The New Adventures of…

This time it’s different. Some would argue I’m on an adventure, cohabitation plus one roommate minus two cats, but I’m not so sure.

For the first time in my adult life, such as it is, there’s no external deadline. I’m not facing the end of a school term, a degree, a lease signed by the people I’m subletting from, a work contract.

I’m stable. Steady job if not dream job, which pays for my rent and leaves me some money for the odd (or even) bottle of wine. No immediate plans to leave the country at the end of the lease or the term. My life is remarkably free of upheaval, in a way it hasn’t been since high school.

And I’m just a bit panicked.

There’s no end in sight. There’s no deadline to grit my teeth and make it to. If I take that approach, I’m going to burn myself out. I need to do balance.

I’m not good at doing balance. I’m good at leaping headlong, working on a shoestring and happy thoughts, and following half – finished blueprints. Making it up as I go along.

That stuff is easy for me, now. Well, easy as it can be. When you know you’ve got to do something, running with the best (or least worst) readily available plan is simple enough. When it’s a thing that has to be done and fast, it’s easy to make a snap decision before there’s too much time to worry.

At this point, all I’ve got is time. Time to think and plan and weigh options. Time to worry and waffle and probably let inertia hold me down.

So maybe I am facing a new adventure: how to light a fire under my butt so I don’t wake up in 20 years wondering what happened to twenty-something me.

Time for a reboot.


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